


touch

by peachymorklee



Series: touch [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-11-28 06:52:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18204989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachymorklee/pseuds/peachymorklee
Summary: Jungwoo just wants to touch Jaehyun but the latter keeps running away.





	1. | i |

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the Star Road vlives and my overactive imagination.

Six of the NCT 127 members had been awoken out of their much needed sleep at 8 a.m. so they could get ready in time for some variety short film, or whatever it was Jungwoo’s manager had told him when he trespassed into his otherwise quiet room and stripped him of his warm, cozy blankets. It was early December, perfect time to stay indoors and out of Seoul’s harsh, cold winter, so Jungwoo was obviously upset—and rightfully so—when he was told that he had to do the _opposite_ of that. He begrudgingly changed into his outfit put together by one of their stylists and emerged out into the hallway, up the stairs, to the floor level where the other five members were waiting.

 

It was Yuta, Doyoung, Taeyong, Jaehyun, and Johnny, all of whom were struggling to stay awake. Jungwoo greeted them with a _‘morning,’_ his voice even quieter than usual due to his sleepy state. He immediately gravitated towards Jaehyun, who was currently sitting on a kitchen stool, and placed his chin on the elder’s shoulder. The room was silent sans the minor rummaging of their managers as they quickly packed all they would need for today’s filming. It seemed the group wouldn’t be leaving just yet, but Jungwoo felt Jaehyun wiggle so he could remove his chin and let him stand up.

 

“You can sit down if you want,” Jaehyun mumbled and Jungwoo stayed mum, confused at the offer, mainly because there were two other empty stools and if Jungwoo would’ve wanted to sit down, he would’ve. His confusion didn’t matter, though, because soon Jaehyun was walking away to recline against the kitchen counter, taking out his phone to busy himself as they all waited. Jungwoo’s shoulders slumped a little as he sat on the stool Jaehyun had given up and took out his own phone, mindlessly scrolling through twitter.

 

“Alright, let’s go boys,” one of their managers announced ten minutes later, already halfway through the door and out into the freezing weather. Jungwoo pulled on his winter coat, being able to feel the low temperatures before even going outside.

 

It was early and cold, so the streets were empty as their managers packed the car. Jungwoo hurriedly shuffled towards their black van, wanting to escape the harsh breeze nipping at his cheeks; he hopped from one foot to the other as an attempt to stay warm. When he heard the van’s lock click, he swiftly opened the door and rushed to the back, his favorite spot to sit in whenever they went anywhere. He saw Jaehyun about to get on and Jungwoo leaned forward a bit in his seat.

 

“Hyung-“ Jungwoo called but before he could even motion to the other boy, Jaehyun had already taken his place in the front row of seats.

 

Taeyong sat next to Jaehyun and Yuta was the one who joined Jungwoo in the back, oblivious to the pouty boy beside him. Jungwoo willed his pout away, telling himself there was no reason to be upset. In fact, he told himself that he _wasn’t_ upset at all. He was just tired from his early rise and was also somewhat hungry. Yeah, that was it.

 

The quietness that had fallen upon the members back in the dorm followed them in the car—the members were either typing away on their phones or listening to music while dramatically staring out the car window (or maybe that was just Yuta). Jungwoo decided to catch up on some sleep, for once hoping that the ride would be a long one. He awkwardly rested his head on the head rest, somehow also resting on his own shoulder a little, after he found the window to be too cold to lean on. It wasn’t hard for Jungwoo to fall asleep and soon enough he was knocked out in the back seat, neck at such an awkward angle that he was sure it would get sore and prevent him from turning his head sideways once he woke up.

 

He was too out of it to guess how long he’d been asleep for, but eventually he felt Yuta shaking his shoulder and Jungwoo woke up to find a coffee cup in his immediate field of vision. His eyes took some time to adjust until his brain registered what was going on. Jungwoo sat up straighter and took the coffee cup Yuta was offering with a _‘thanks,’_ to which Yuta responded by handing him a muffin. It seemed that they had momentarily stopped to get some breakfast and Jungwoo, although he was sure this breakfast wouldn’t fill him up, was still thankful that he would be able to satisfy his hunger temporarily—immediately making filming later seem easier.

 

“We’ll be there in 15 minutes, so eat up,” their manager announced from behind the wheel.

 

Jungwoo brought the cup up to his lips and took a tiny sip, wary of the coffee being too hot. The drink was just fine, though, the perfect level of warm even, so Jungwoo happily munched on his muffin (banana and almond) while drinking some of his coffee every so often. With some amount of food in their systems, the other members seemed to come alive more than they had been earlier in the morning, the van now full of chatter and Johnny’s snickering from the seat in front of him. They all made conversation about their upcoming activities, recent shows they had started watching, and Yuta even threw in a short story about Mark farting again for the nth time this week. Although Jungwoo didn’t contribute much to the conversation, he was still very much present, providing the expected reactions and laughing loudly at whatever his members had to say. But eventually, their laughter died down and the quiet once again settled upon them as they finally arrived to their filming location. It was a building full of sets available for anyone to rent.

 

One by one, the members filed out of the car and into the warm A.C. of the building where they could now shed themselves of their padded coats. There were seven sets in total but it appeared that they would only use five today. Jungwoo noticed that they each had either a Christmas tree or some other form of Christmas decor in them. Their hair and makeup stylists had already arrived prior to them and were now ushering them to their seats, ready to finish their winter look and have them looking _alive_ (Jungwoo caught sight of his dark circles in the mirror before being turned away in his chair). After damaging his hair more than it already was with a hair dryer and doing a natural makeup look, the stylists had completed their goal; Jungwoo no longer looked sleep deprived and immediately felt a boost of confidence with his finished look. He playfully winked at himself in the mirror and he could hear Doyoung laugh at him from behind as he waited for his turn with the stylists.

 

Jungwoo got up and joined the other members who had already gotten their hair and makeup done, which happened to be only Jaehyun and Yuta. Jungwoo sauntered over to the pair and did some aegyo so he could show off his cute face. Jaehyun gave a small smile and Yuta snorted, playfully rolling his eyes at Jungwoo’s childish behavior.

 

“Do you think there’s a bathroom here? I want to go before we start filming,” Yuta asked as his eyes wandered around the set.

 

“You could ask one of the producers or something?” Jaehyun offered, to which Yuta ignored in favor of calling for one of their staff instead, walking away and leaving Jaehyun and Jungwoo alone.

 

They weren’t technically alone, considering they were standing in the middle of the set as various people moved around them; some were fixing the filming equipment while others were attempting to look busy by walking around. This didn’t phase Jungwoo, since he was never one to be shy when it came to skinship whether it be in public or in private—Jungwoo was just affectionate like that and it no longer surprised any of his members or staff. Jungwoo reached for Jaehyun’s hand and caught it in his own, letting it swing in between them.

 

He turned to look at Jaehyun with a teasing smile, giving his hand a small squeeze so Jaehyun would look back at him. Jaehyun did so and smiled with pursed lips and although it wasn’t Jungwoo’s favorite smile (he preferred when Jaehyun smiled wide, showing off his dimples), Jungwoo’s heart still managed to stutter, sending tingles to the tips of his fingers. Jungwoo felt warm, and although logically it may have been due to the building’s heater, Jungwoo’s heart told him it was because Jaehyun’s touch was warm enough for the both of them. Their hands swung a couple more times before Jaehyun let his grip loosen, pulling his hand and warmth away from the younger boy.

 

“I’m going to use the bathroom too, so I don’t interrupt the filming later. Do you want to use it?” Jaehyun awkwardly busied his hands with fixing his sweater, pulling it down and then pulling it up a little. Jungwoo trained his eyes on his own palms, now empty and a little bit cold, until he glanced back up at Jaehyun and shook his head, hair bouncing with the sudden movement.

 

“I’m good,” his voice was small, mind too busy thinking about why Jaehyun’s touch had made Jungwoo feel the way it had. Was it normal for handholding to bring such warmth? Jungwoo had never felt like that when holding the other members' hands. Maybe Jaehyun was just a warm person, body temperature at an oddly high level. Jaehyun walked away, following the same direction Yuta had gone, leaving Jungwoo and his thoughts to be.

 

Jungwoo enjoyed touching; he loved hugging his members, holding their hands, cuddling with them, _kissing_ them (or at least, trying to). It was one of Jungwoo’s traits, being touchy with anyone in close proximity to him and attacking them with love—Doyoung and Taeil often teased him by comparing him to an overexcited puppy. But when it came to Jaehyun, it was different. Jaehyun was one who didn’t enjoy skinship that much, or at least not the overbearing kind. He remembers once hearing that Jaehyun had gotten upset when Mark had playfully touched his butt or when Haechan had kissed the back of his neck, both of which seemed nothing compared to Jungwoo and his antics. Jaehyun however, had adapted to Jungwoo’s touchiness well enough to be able to tolerate him, and Jungwoo himself even tried toning his skinship down so as to not make Jaehyun uncomfortable. So then, why was it now that even the slightest chin resting or handholding could send Jaehyun squirming and shrugging Jungwoo off?

 

Before Jungwoo could delve deeper into the mess that was his mind, the producer of whatever it was that they were filming spoke up and called all the members to the set. Jungwoo was soon joined by his five hyungs, and the producer went on to explain the concept of the mini series—it was about the Lunar New Year and the members were to spilt up into two teams in order to compete against one another in three traditional Korean games.

 

Jungwoo was a little upset when he realized he wasn’t on Jaehyun’s team but managed to hide his pout from the camera. He quickly regained his grin, though, when the punishment for the losers was settled—losers were to give the winners piggyback rides. Jungwoo saw this as an opportunity to figure out whether Jaehyun was really brushing him off or if maybe it was just his overactive imagination. This was a win-win situation for Jungwoo; he was going to be able to touch Jaehyun no matter what the outcome was.

 

After playing _ttakji_ , _jegichagi_ , and _tuho_ , Jungwoo, Johnny, and Yuta’s team had been declared winners. He was ready to walk over to Jaehyun and get his victory piggyback ride when Yuta spoke up, sharing his grand idea.

 

“Wait, what if we all do rock, paper, scissors, and whoever matches up has to be each other’s partner?” The other members laughed and immediately agreed while Jungwoo internally screamed at Yuta.

 

Both teams faced away from each other and waited to raise up their sign. Jungwoo pleaded to God to let him get Jaehyun as his partner. He wished that he could suddenly gain telepathic powers so he could read Jaehyun’s mind and make the same sign, but that was sadly impossible. It seemed that his destiny would be in the hands of the higher powers.

 

“Okay, rock, paper, scissors!”

 

Jungwoo slowly turned around, his fist in the shape of rock, just as Jaehyun’s was. He was too busy thanking the man up in the sky, while Doyoung was loudly celebrating for not have chosen Johnny—the heaviest of them all. They all got into pairs; Johnny and Taeyong, Jungwoo and Jaehyun, and Yuta and Doyoung. Jungwoo’s hands immediately flew up to give Jaehyun a tight back hug, surely Jaehyun wouldn’t brush him off during filming, right? The elder stayed still until he was fidgeting, tugging at the collar of his turtleneck undershirt.

 

“Could you let go?” Jaehyun whispered as he slightly turned his head.

 

_Oh._

 

Jungwoo complied and awkwardly stood at his side while Jaehyun continued pulling at his shirt. Maybe that was it; his shirt was bothering him, that’s why he asked Jungwoo to let go. Jungwoo psyched himself up again as he heard Jaehyun tell him to jump on his back.

 

Jungwoo let out a small puff of air before jumping on Jaehyun’s back, the latter holding onto his thighs for support. Taeyong began giving his short outro speech but Jungwoo was barely registering the words, mind too distracted with the fact that Jaehyun’s hair smelled like cinnamon. He nuzzled Jaehyun’s ear who in turn let out a playful _‘aish.’_

 

It was Jaehyun’s turn to talk and Jungwoo continued to press his cheek against the other’s head, discreetly attempting to take a whiff of the cinnamon shampoo. Jaehyun shrugged him off, though, tousling the other boy on his back and craning his neck so that Jungwoo would cut it out. The punishment ended sooner than Jungwoo would’ve liked and as soon as the producer yelled cut, Jaehyun was setting Jungwoo down without much warning. Jungwoo stumbled a bit and he reasoned that if his reflexes had been a fraction slower, he would’ve fallen flat on his butt. Before he could jokingly call Jaehyun out for his abruptness, the other boy was walking away to another set.

 

Jungwoo deflated at Jaehyun’s retreating form, realizing that maybe Jaehyun actually _did_ have a problem with Jungwoo and his touchiness. His dejected state remained throughout the rest of filming; he tried to hide it though, giggling as much as he could when making dumplings with Taeyong and Doyoung, faking a smile when filming his solo interview, and hiding his frown by stuffing himself with food during their “Lunar New Year” meal. By the time they were all ready to go home, Jungwoo just wanted to bury himself into his bed and sleep, too tired of trying to make sense of his thoughts. When Jungwoo opened the van door to get in, he found Jaehyun already inside, seated next to Taeyong close enough to lay his head on the smaller boy’s shoulder.

 

Jungwoo felt his chest tighten at the sight but his mind was quick to assure him that it was merely because he had lost his chance to confront Jaehyun about his recent aversiveness. He quickly shuffled into his seat in the back, plugging in his headphones to distract himself from any other thoughts that could possibly plague his mind.

 

 

                                                                                                                                             +

 

 

Four days had passed since the filming had happened. Four days since Jungwoo came to the conclusion that Jaehyun was in fact, avoiding him and his touches. The idea had been crawling through Jungwoo’s brain, itching to manifest itself into words—a confrontation. He was too scared though, scared of talking to Jaehyun and explaining his observation to him only for the older to confirm that, yes, he had been avoiding Jungwoo for quite some time.

 

Over the course of these four days, Jungwoo was also forced to witness Jaehyun’s interactions with the other members; Jungwoo noticed that he didn’t mind skinship with them. Jungwoo had spotted Jaehyun coddling Mark while watching TV, Jaehyun and Johnny having a tickle war (which resulted with minor bruises on both ends), Jaehyun pinching Taeil’s cheeks, Jaehyun throwing his arm over Taeyong, holding hands with Taeyong, hugging Taeyong, even calling their leader cute when the latter would naturally do aegyo.

 

This had at some point convinced Jungwoo that maybe Jaehyun’s wave of whatever-was-going-on-with-him had passed, and so, he had attempted to initiate some form of contact again. That possibility was immediately thrown out the window as soon as it presented itself, however. Jaehyun continued to shrug Jungwoo off, finding excuses to avoid Jungwoo—and only Jungwoo—both at the company and at the dorms. It was slightly distressing and soon, Jungwoo wondered if it would even be possible to ask Jaehyun what was wrong, considering he was treating Jungwoo as if he were a disease.

 

Doyoung had caught Jungwoo brooding over the situation once during those four days. He had laughed at the younger’s expression, eyebrows comically furrowed and bottom lip jutting out into the cutest pout. He had asked Jungwoo what was wrong and because he was slightly out of it, mind running at miles per minute, he blurted out a question that he instantly wanted to take back.

 

“Why is Jaehyun hyung avoiding me?”

 

Doyoung’s eyes had grown wide by a slight fraction. “Jaehyun is avoiding you?”

 

“Um, well don’t you think so?” Jungwoo wondered if no one else had noticed the distance Jaehyun had been putting between the two.

 

“I mean, you guys seemed fine. I thought I saw him talking to you in the morning.”

 

Doyoung was right, Jaehyun had talked to him in the morning, but Jungwoo barely considered asking about the characteristics of spoiled milk as _talking._ The so-called conversation hadn’t even lasted a whole five minutes!

 

Maybe all of this was just in Jungwoo’s head. He was making things seem deeper than what they really were, but that just lead to the question as to _why_ he was making this such a big deal. Why was Jungwoo feeling this way about Jaehyun avoiding his skinship, while happily accepting everyone else’s?

 

This question continued to run through his mind, no matter who he was with nor what time of day it was, and that was why—after four days of busy end-of-the-year practice schedules—Jungwoo was now currently laying in bed, attempting to find an answer at 3 am.

 

Today had been exhausting, tiring Jungwoo’s body to the point where everything was too sore for him to even move without wincing in pain, but he and the rest of members had been released early. Their dance instructor had granted them an early dismissal as an award for persevering through the challenging choreography, claiming that it was the most he could do for having such good students. Jungwoo didn’t have to be told twice, and practically crawled his way down to the van.

 

So after taking a hot shower and completing his nightly face care routine, Jungwoo nestled himself underneath his blankets and blankly stared up at the ceiling, finally allowing himself to process his thoughts. Jungwoo and Jaehyun had been fine, they were very close with each other; in fact, they were probably closer now that they were in the same unit, or at least, they _had_ been, until now. Jungwoo thinks back on the last couple of months, trying to pinpoint the exact moment things between him and his hyung started to get awry. And as Jungwoo rewound his thoughts, he realized that Jaehyun’s distance had been going for a while, the elder had been slowly backing away so as to not make it noticeable until it was too late for the younger to do something about it. The last time Jungwoo remembers Jaehyun being his normal self was the week of their _Simon Says_ Comeback; after that point, Jaehyun had spoken less and less with Jungwoo until he now barely spoke a word to him at all.

 

Jungwoo doesn’t remember any tension going on at that time, there had been no fight or argument. What then, had caused Jaehyun to act this way? And why did it matter so much to Jungwoo? Why did it seem like it mattered more than it should? Jungwoo reminded himself that it was because Jaehyun was his hyung, one who had cared for him for a long time—since trainee days. Jaehyun had been the closest to his age at that time. He had secretly snacked with Jungwoo when they weren’t supposed to due to their diet, he had helped him to relieve stress by taking him to the movies, and he had continued to encourage Jungwoo after he had left to debut first in NCT U.

 

Jaehyun was a great guy; as a matter of fact, Jungwoo looked up to him! He was perfect in every way, his flaws—the very little ones he had—included. Jaehyun was kind to everyone in the team, he knew how to cook, he had an amazing voice, he was one of the best dancers in NCT, and not to mention his god-like facial features. Ever since the first day of practice, when Jungwoo had joined SM as a trainee, and he saw Jaehyun diligently practicing by himself, Jungwoo promised himself that he would work just as hard. Jaehyun debuting before him only made Jungwoo work harder.

 

There was no denying that Jungwoo looked at Jaehyun with stars in his eyes, Jungwoo very much understood that. Heck, he could go on and on listing the things that made Jaehyun so absolutely captivating and admirable (all of which the other members would certainly agree with). The dimples, the small laughs, the just about _everything_ about him made Jungwoo’s heart swell. The reality was that Jungwoo was enamored; he liked Jung Jae- _oh_. 

 

He liked Jaehyun.

 

Huh.

 

Jungwoo was aware of his preference for boys; he had come to terms with it during middle school. Jungwoo had also developed silly crushes for silly boys but that was completely different from what he felt for Jaehyun. Or was it?

 

_No. No it wasn’t, Jaehyun was just a silly crush and it would only be a matter of time before it went away._

 

Or at least, Jungwoo hoped it did.

 

It didn’t matter anyways—what these feelings were classified as—because Jungwoo sweared that he would keep them hidden no matter what. He would bury his feelings for Jung Jaehyun, _his own band member for Christ’s sake_ , deep inside his heart until the day he died. _Easy_.

 

 

+

 

 

“Five! Six! Seven! Eight!” The choreographer continued to count loudly as he monitored the NCT 127 members dance to a modified version of _Regular._

 

“Okay! Good,” he cut the music out and clapped his hands together, “you can all head to the cafeteria for lunch.”

 

The dance room was filled with their labored breaths and one by one they all shuffled out, desperate to get something into their tired bodies. They had a little over a week to practice before their appearance at the end-of-the-year award shows so for the past fifteen days, the members had danced to the same songs over and over again, adding and perfecting some extra moves so as to uphold the SM standard. To say that the boys were tired was an understatement; Jungwoo practically wanted to bash his head on the floor every time the dance instructor made them start from the top because someone had started _‘a millisecond too late’_ or their hand had been positioned _‘an inch too much to the left.’_

 

Jungwoo tilted his head back, gulping his water until the bottle was empty, not a single drop left. He was worn out, sweaty, and hungry but he noticed that Jaehyun was still positioned in front of the large mirror wall, silently counting his steps. Everyone had left to eat and it was now just Jaehyun dancing and Jungwoo staring awkwardly at the elder, thinking. After Jungwoo realized his feelings for the other, he had made sure to put some distance between them (even though Jaehyun had already been doing that himself). He thought that by surrounding himself less with Jaehyun, then his feelings for him would go away; however, what happened was the exact opposite. It only led Jungwoo to think about Jaehyun _more_ , wishing they could be just like they used to be. Jungwoo missed him, and now he was alone with him. It was a chance to say something, even just a simple _‘hey, let’s go join the others!’_

 

Jungwoo put his bottle down and walked over to the other, who was still practicing the choreo. Jungwoo worried that the elder was overworking himself despite the fact that his dancing was already perfect, but he didn’t tell him that. Instead he started with a, “hey.”

 

Jungwoo mentally facepalmed but his stupid greeting managed to get Jaehyun to stop dancing anyways, so at least he was somewhat of a functioning normal human being. Jaehyun let out a sigh and took off his beanie to push back his hair before putting it back on again. Jungwoo gulped, not knowing why he was nervous all of a sudden, after all, _it was nothing but a stupid crush, remember?_

 

“You should give yourself a break before you pass out,” Jungwoo fiddled with his hands to distract himself from the way Jaehyun looked—he was always pretty to Jungwoo.

 

Jaehyun sighed again, keeping his eyes on the mirror in front of him, “I just want to fix something.”

 

“You can fix it after you eat. Come on, let’s go together,” Jungwoo reached out to tap Jaehyun’s shoulder but the latter moved away before he could.

 

_Ouch._

 

Jungwoo’s chest tightened at the motion. To others, this situation would mean nothing, maybe the other didn’t want to be touched right now. However, to Jungwoo, Jaehyun’s avoidance meant so much more. This had been going on for weeks; it was no longer simply about the lack of touching anymore. Jaehyun had been ignoring Jungwoo altogether without an explanation and without an opportunity to let Jungwoo ask what was wrong. Maybe Jaehyun had just grown tired of Jungwoo, but maybe Jungwoo had grown tired too.

 

“You don’t have to treat me like the fucking plague, you know.” Jungwoo had mumbled a little loudly and he couldn’t decide if he wanted Jaehyun to hear him or not. Jaehyun heard anyway.

 

“What?”

 

Jaehyun finally turned to look at Jungwoo, but Jungwoo wished he hadn’t—Jaehyun’s glare was intimidating and Jungwoo was not prepared to be at the receiving end of it.

 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jaehyun asked again after Jungwoo had stayed silent, frozen and unsure on how to go on about this situation. Jungwoo was not one for arguing but it was like a switch went off in him and all the words that he’s wanted to say tumbled out of his mouth and into the open without further warning.

 

“Come on, Jaehyun hyung. Don’t pretend like you haven’t been avoiding me for the past couple of weeks.”

 

“Avoiding you? Jungwoo, I’ve been busy. Hell, we’ve  _all_ been busy for the end-of-the-year promotions! I’m sorry if I haven’t been there to fucking entertain you.”

 

Jungwoo’s breath hitched at Jaehyun’s harsh words. He had never had an argument with Jaehyun, much less have been cursed at by him.

 

“I— you’ve been fine with everyone else! I’m the only one who you’ve ignored. You shrug me off, you make up stupid excuses, you can’t even be in the same damn room with me.”

 

Jaehyun scoffed and looked up at the ceiling before pursing his lips. Then, “I haven’t been avoiding you. Why would I?”

 

Jungwoo would usually be reevaluating himself and the accusations he’s made, but he’s so sure and too heated to stop now. “I don’t know! I don’t know, and I haven’t been able to find out because every time I try to approach you, you walk away, claiming you have to talk to Johnny hyung, or our manager, or our _other_ manager!”

 

“Yeah because I’m busy!”

 

“Strange how you’re only ‘busy’ when I’m around?” Jungwoo’s voice cracked but he prayed that Jaehyun ignored it. Jungwoo hated getting angry because he also got emotional.

 

“Look Jungwoo, I’m not a damn baby sitter. I’m sorry that I can’t be around you 24/7. If you want someone to do that, talk to manager hyung.”

 

“What- “ Jungwoo’s throat tightened, a sign of tears that were soon to come, but he swallowed hard, “I’m not a child-“

 

“Then stop acting like one. You’ve debuted as an idol, so start acting professional for the sake of our group’s image.”

 

“As far as I know, I’ve been acting professional.”

 

“Really? Because you can’t go on stage before crying for ten fucking minutes. Maybe that’s something they forgot to teach you during trainee years.”

 

“I—“ he tried to respond but his voice betrayed him once more and he worried that if he were to talk again, he would begin to cry and only further prove Jaehyun’s point. This conversation had taken a whole new turn.

 

Jaehyun shook his head, most likely noticing Jungwoo’s teary eyes. _Crybaby._

 

“I wish I wasn’t in this damn unit! Or any unit with you! Maybe Ten should’ve debuted instead, so he could uphold the group’s fucking image!” Jungwoo’s voice wavered as he yelled but he didn’t care anymore. He stormed out.

 

As he pulled open the door to leave, he ran into Doyoung and Taeil, who probably wondered why he and Jaehyun hadn’t joined them yet. One of them worriedly grasped Jungwoo’s shoulder but he shrugged the hand off, rushing off in the direction of the stairwell. He took two steps at a time all the way up the roof. Back during his trainee days, when the trainees were having a hard time and needed to be alone, they would hide away in empty recording booths or dance rooms, but the roof was always the best place because it was literally a breath of fresh air. It was freezing this time of year, the frigid wind immediately hitting Jungwoo in the face. He was also only wearing a long sleeved shirt. Great. He forcefully rubbed at his eyes, willing the tears to go away.

 

_Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t—_

 

Jungwoo cried. His vision blurred before him as the tears fell and he was too out of it to worry about the low temperatures freezing them into tiny ice drops on his face. All his mind worried about was the fact that Jaehyun had been right. He was a child. An unprofessional child at that. _An unprofessional child that cried_. And he loathed himself for it.

 

That day, Jungwoo had stayed on the roof until he couldn’t cry anymore; he had missed lunch; when he rejoined the rest of the members for dance practice, he had avoided all their stares; when he got to the dorms, he had listened to Doyoung nag at him for staying in the cold for so long; and then he slept.

 

 

+

 

 

It was nearing the end of January, this week having marked a full month of Jungwoo and Jaehyun not talking. After their fight, the two hadn’t bothered seeking each other out to fix anything. As Jaehyun had previously said, they all had been kept busy. NCT 127 successfully finished the end-of-the-year performances, celebrated the New Year, and traveled to Chile for an SMTown concert; during that entire time Jungwoo and Jaehyun kept their distance, now quite literally not speaking a single word to each other.

 

The others were aware of the fight between the two boys—they had been since the day of the actual incident—and even their manager knew, but no one bothered to intervene. Doyoung had told Jungwoo that it was business between him and Jaehyun only and that they would have to work the issue out themselves, like responsible adults. Taeyong had said something along those lines as well (he added it was his job as a leader to make sure his members were on good terms). Their manager simply asked them to act friendly on camera.

 

Jungwoo had felt weird at first; being in an ongoing fight with a member, or anyone really, was something foreign to Jungwoo—the boy who was usually friendly and clingy to everyone within a one mile radius. Not speaking to Jaehyun and officially being on bad terms was something he hated but his other members were a big help. There were eight other people he could talk to but he mainly found himself hanging out with Doyoung, Taeil, and Yuta (especially the last two because they were his roommates).

 

The three older boys distracted him from his raging thoughts with silly jokes and meaningless conversations. Taeil usually cooked with Jungwoo or helped him clean up their room like Jungwoo preferred it to be. Yuta would watch anime with the younger, or sometimes they would watch soccer—a sport both boys were very big fans of. Doyoung often helped him practice his singing, making him join in duets at the dorm or in the dance room where they would practice for their upcoming tour. _Ah, yes._ Their upcoming tour, yet another distraction that would keep Jungwoo busy enough to not think too much about Jaehyun.

 

After their trip to Chile, it was all they had been doing now. They were completely focused on perfecting their set for their first ever tour, Jungwoo had swore not to let something so trivial as a fight distract him from his job. After all, Jungwoo was professional and Jaehyun was wrong to accuse him of being otherwise. However, no matter how time consuming and hindering the preparation for the concert was, Jaehyun was always still _there_ —both physically, and mentally in the corner of Jungwoo’s mind.

 

There would be moments when Jungwoo’s gaze would drift towards the other; he would smack himself internally at his actions as soon as he grew aware of them. Other times, Jungwoo didn’t have to look at all, but instead, a tiny Jaehyun would suddenly manifest itself in his brain. When that happened, Jungwoo would immediately seek one of his three close members for help, desperate for any sort of small talk or Taeil’s unfunny one-liners. Jungwoo’s attempts at avoiding Jaehyun became so frantic to the point where any mention of the other’s name would send him scurrying off to another room, blabbering pure nonsense to himself.

 

Jungwoo had no idea how long he would continue to keep running away from Jaehyun and vice versa. He could sense Taeyong grow increasingly tense at the two’s behavior, so maybe his time would soon run out.

 

And it did.

 

All the 127 members were resting in the dorm after their six-hour practice session—which was actually relatively short compared to previous days. Some members had excused themselves to their rooms for some shut-eye, others were raiding the kitchen for any sort of snacks. Jungwoo had just gotten out of the shower and was heading in the direction of the living room to find something on TV before Taeyong popped out of nowhere and began pulling him by the wrist in the direction of the elder's room.

 

“Hyung?” Taeyong ignored Jungwoo and practically pushed him into his bedroom. Jaehyun was there, sitting on his bed on his side of the room.

 

“I tried to give you both a chance to act like reasonable adults but it seems I underestimated your stubbornness,” Taeyong sighed from his place in the doorway, “please, just sort whatever it is between you guys. Need I remind you that we’re about to go on our _first tour ever_? I don’t need you guys acting awkward in front of our fans in real time, okay?”

 

Jungwoo was about to protest but Taeyong cut him off with a raise of his hand.

 

“Johnny’s gonna be standing outside this door so don’t even _think_ about leaving this room without making up.” Taeyong slammed the door shut before either of them could get a word out.

 

Silence.

 

Jaehyun remained sitting on his bed, picking at a loose thread of his bed comforter. Meanwhile, Jungwoo’s gaze bounced around the room, not knowing where to look. The room was quickly becoming stuffy and awkward. What did one say in this situation? Could Jungwoo even spit out a coherent sentence at this point? Jungwoo stared at the bedroom window and, for a brief second, he debated jumping out of it.

 

Jaehyun coughed, stealing Jungwoo’s attention away from his potential escape plan. It seemed like the other couldn’t look up at Jungwoo either.

 

“I—“ Jaehyun cleared his throat once again, “I’m sorry.”

 

Okay. Jungwoo could work with that; a simple apology that would grant them their quick freedom from this god forsaken conversation.

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry too-“

 

“No. You don’t have to apologize. I was a prick and I shouldn’t have said what I said. You _aren’t_ unprofessional _nor_ are you a child and you _absolutely_ deserve to be in the unit. You’re really talented Jungwoo and your charisma only adds to our group’s image, not takes away. And I mean, your ability to cry before stages just proves that you’re passionate about performing and you care about doing your absolute best for our fans and- and- I’m truly sorry. I wouldn’t put it against you if you don’t want to talk to me anymore. I wouldn’t want to talk to myself either, after all I said.”

 

Maybe. . .maybe he had been wrong; Jaehyun hadn't been ignoring him. Maybe Jungwoo read too much into it and their fight had been all his fault. He had wrongly accused the elder and it was even worse that he had done so when Jaehyun had been stressed and tired. It made sense for Jaehyun to snap. God, Jungwoo really hated himself now.

 

Jungwoo stared at the top of Jaehyun’s head; the latter had not attempted to make eye contact once and continued looking down at his lap. He hoped the elder wouldn’t raise his head, that way it would make it easier for Jungwoo to speak as well.

 

“I was. . .being annoying." Jungwoo heaved a sigh, ashamed. "You were right, about being busy, we all were and I guess I just felt like you were distant. I shouldn’t have accused you like that, I’m sorry too.”

 

Jaehyun sharply shook his head. "No, you shouldn't have to apologize. You did nothing wrong—" 

 

"Of course I did! I was being irrational—"

 

"No, no you weren't! You had every right—"

 

"—and I was inconsiderate—"

 

"—to confront me and share your worries—"

 

"—and I should've been there to relieve your stress, not add to it!"

 

"—and I should've been there to listen, not brush you off!"

 

" _Hyung._ "

 

" _Jungwoo._ "

 

Jungwoo huffed, realizing that they'd end up nowhere if they kept at it like this. "Okay, fine. I forgive you,  _but-_ only if you forgive me."

 

“Of course I forgive you,” Jaehyun whispered as he finally looked up only to lock eyes with the already-staring Jungwoo.

 

“Okay, so, we’re good?”

 

“You still want to talk to me?”

 

Jungwoo scoffed at Jaehyun’s hopeful face. If only the other knew just how much Jungwoo felt for him. “Are you kidding? I’ve missed talking to you for the past month!”

 

The both of them let out small laughs before the silence settled upon them once again—this time it was a comfortable kind. Jaehyun beamed up at Jungwoo, dimples on full display, which only led to Jungwoo’s heart swelling at the sight.

 

“Hug it out?” Jungwoo’s ears couldn’t believe Jaehyun’s request. A hug after who knew how long was exactly what Jungwoo needed right now. Damn, he was so freaking weak for Jaehyun.

 

“Of course!” Jungwoo tackled him with one of his signature bear hugs. It felt nice to talk to Jaehyun again, to touch him. Jungwoo didn’t want to let go, so he kept his arms around Jaehyun’s shoulders; the other boy didn’t seem to mind anyways.

 

Jungwoo realized that this would be enough—being Jaehyun’s friend was enough to keep him and his heart happy. It didn’t matter that Jungwoo’s feelings wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon (Jungwoo was aware that it wasn’t just a silly crush) or that he wouldn’t be able to confess these feelings and pursue Jaehyun. Maybe in another lifetime would such a thing be possible, but right now, in the life he was living in now, simple moments like these would be enough for Jungwoo. This Jaehyun was enough.

 

 

+

 

 

Jungwoo lounged on the living room couch with Yuta and Taeil; they were supposed to be watching a drama but no one bothered paying attention to the screen in front of them. The two other boys were on their phones while Jungwoo let himself think, namely about one certain boy—Jaehyun. After the two made up and were once again on good terms, the elder had started acting weird, always being near Jungwoo or in the vicinity around him.

 

There were a few examples of Jaehyun’s newfound clinginess for him. For one, he had started sitting with Jungwoo in their van, and during their airplane flights, and pretty much anywhere that required long periods of sitting. Jaehyun would also watch the same anime as Jungwoo despite the fact that both boys had different tastes; Jungwoo preferred sports anime whereas Jaehyun dreaded them but recently the elder would sit quietly next to him and watch. Moreover, Jaehyun had also been buying extra snacks for Jungwoo, although he explained that it was only because he had bought too much and it was a _pure coincidence_ that the snacks he bought were always Jungwoo’s favorite. Not to mention how awkwardly shy Jaehyun had been when he gave Jungwoo his birthday gift and then proceeded to feed him cake until his cheeks were full, snapping some selfies of them both much to Jungwoo’s embarrassment.

 

Now, don’t get him wrong, Jungwoo loved the extra attention but he couldn’t feel as if it was only because Jaehyun felt guilty. Did he actually take Jungwoo’s accusation to heart? Jungwoo didn’t want to take advantage of Jaehyun’s kindness and his inability to let things go until he was sure he had “payed his ‘rude’ fee.” (That was an actual thing Jaehyun made up and Jungwoo found it both equally stupid and endearing.) Jungwoo made a mental note to talk to Jaehyun and assure him that they were good now, no need for the elder to shower him with so much attention.

 

“You guys want to watch a movie?” Yuta asked aloud.

 

“I can’t. I’m busy,” Taeil’s voice was monotone as he continued typing on his phone.

 

Yuta kicked him slightly, “I didn’t even tell you when.”

 

“When?”

 

“Tomorrow.”

 

“Yeah, no busy.” Taeil got up from the couch and stretched before heading to their shared room.

 

“Fine! I didn’t want you to come anyway,” Yuta yelled after him before turning back to Jungwoo, his wide smile on his face. “Looks like it’ll be just you and me, unless you’re busy too?”

 

“Ha, I’m not, hyung. Are we even allowed to go though?”

 

“Go where?” Jungwoo turned his head to find Jaehyun walking into the living room. He plopped himself in the empty space between Yuta and Jungwoo.

 

“The theaters. We’re gonna watch the movie I told you about. You know, the one you didn’t want to go to?”

 

Jungwoo barked out a laugh. “Wait? Did you ask all the members already?”

 

“Yeah, and they all rejected me! Except you, you’re my favorite from now on.” Yuta and Jungwoo chuckled while Jaehyun’s eyebrows furrowed, a little frown appearing on his face.

 

“But it’s a horror movie.” Jaehyun turned to look at Jungwoo, low voice causing the giggles to stop.

 

Yuta remained smiling, not phased by the sudden worry overtaking Jaehyun. “So?”

 

“Jungwoo hates horror, he can’t handle it.”

 

“He’s not a child, Jaehyun,” Yuta scoffed.

 

“I never said he was,” Jaehyun quickly looked away from Yuta to Jungwoo, “I don’t think you are. It’s just-“

 

“Hyung, don’t worry. It’s just a movie and I’ve been getting better at watching horror.” Jungwoo added a smile for some extra reassurance and it slightly eased Jaehyun’s worried expression.

 

“Yeah, and anyways, if any scary monsters come to take Jungwoo away, I’ll be there to protect him.”

 

Yuta’s comment seemed to only make Jaehyun frown further. Jungwoo raised his hand to squeeze Jaehyun’s shoulder, bringing a grin to the elder’s face. It confused Jungwoo as to why Jaehyun was suddenly so worried about him watching a horror movie. Was this his way of paying his “rude fee?” Speaking of “rude fees,” he meant to talk to him about that but Jungwoo felt it would be more appropriate to do so later, when they were alone. For now, Jungwoo focused his attention to the drama playing in front of him and then shifted his focus to Jaehyun’s hand that had found its way on Jungwoo’s thigh. Jungwoo made sure to even his breathes while a single thought ran through his mind.

 

Jung Jaehyun had very firm hands.

 

 

+

 

 

Jungwoo had just been finishing his nighttime face care routine when he heard a knock on his bedroom door. Jaehyun’s head peeked through, nodding at both Yuta and Taeil as a form of greeting before he turned in the direction of Jungwoo.

 

“Can we talk?” Jungwoo nodded and walked towards him.

 

“Don’t go off fighting again!” Yuta teased them but was then immediately shut up by Taeil throwing a pillow at his face.

 

Jungwoo and Jaehyun ignored them and walked out into the hallway. Jaehyun handed him a coat before putting on his own and walking out onto the porch. The night was chilly, seeing as it was still mid-February, and the night sky was empty of stars—a phenomena that any city-goer would be used to seeing. The only source of light was the porch light and the full moon that was shining above them; Jungwoo found it peaceful to be out here, in silence, side-by-side with Jaehyun, so close that their shoulders brushed against each other.

 

“I don’t think you should go tomorrow, to the movies, I mean.”

 

Jungwoo turned left to frown at the elder, but the latter remained gazing forward. “This again? Why are you so worried?”

 

“You can’t handle horror, Jungwoo. We’ve watched horror movies before and you always freak out. You even got a cramp once!”

 

“Yeah, once. I’ll be okay.”

 

“What if you get nightmares and then you can’t sleep? I mean, we barely get any sleep now anyways.”

 

Jungwoo scoffed, “I’ve never had a nightmare because of a horror movie.”

 

“Yeah, but if you do, you won’t sleep and we’ll go back on tour to Japan soon and you’ll be turned into a sleepless zombie. You won’t even be able to perform.”

 

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration. I never pinned you as a drama queen, I thought Doyoung hyung was the only one.” Jungwoo giggled at his comment but Jaehyun stayed mum.

 

There was more quiet and then, “You don’t even like horror. Did you start liking horror? Is horror your favorite genre? What makes horror better than, let’s say, romance?”

 

Jaehyun had meant to to talk to himself and if had whispered any lower, those questions would’ve gone unnoticed, but Jungwoo heard. For a moment, it was as if Jaehyun wasn’t actually talking about horror movies anymore; it was as if horror movies were a metaphor. Jungwoo decided to voice out just that.

 

“Are we still talking about horror movies?”

 

Jaehyun let out a deep sigh, letting his head fall with the exhale while shoving his hands into the coat pockets.

 

“You were right." 

 

"About?" 

 

"I was avoiding you, I had been for a long time. I was frustrated that day, in the practice room and I snapped, taking out my frustration on you, which I shouldn’t have done. I was an asshole and I said terrible things to you and I swear they meant nothing and— You, the way you looked at me when I said those things- I hated myself for it immediately but I just couldn’t talk to you after. I was still high-strung and I needed to calm down. I planned on talking to you afterwards, to apologize but the more time passed, I just thought that maybe you were better off without me. You had all the other members and you hung out with Doyoung hyung, and Taeil hyung, and Yuta hyung and they made you happy. I-“ Jaehyun stopped himself from ranting off even more by biting his bottom lip, finding his shoes more interesting to look at.

 

“Why?”

 

“Huh?” Jaehyun looked up at this, glimpsing at Jungwoo’s eyes.

 

“Why did you avoid me?”

 

Jaehyun looked away again, his ears coloring red. Jungwoo reasoned it was due to the cold.

 

“Why?” He seemed to ask himself, presumably thinking of an answer, but it seemed he already had one considering he immediately continued to speak. “I— was scared.”

 

Jungwoo furrowed his eyebrows at that, Jaehyun’s answer only filling his brain with more questions.

 

“I was scared of how I was feeling. It wasn’t normal, I told myself that every day, all the time. I couldn’t be feeling this way about a member, about _you._ It would only cause problems for the group and for you. When I told you, during our fight, that you should act professional for the sake of our group’s image, I was really talking about myself. I should be acting professional and if I let these feelings get the best of me then our group would be torn apart. So I distanced myself from you because I was scared that I would eventually fall too deep and I wouldn’t be able to get myself out, but it was stupid.”

 

Jungwoo’s heart was racing. _Was this a prank? Was he dreaming? Or was Jaehyun_ actually _confessing?_ His silence seemed to make Jaehyun’s nerves grow so he willed his mouth to say something, to respond, to confess his own feelings for him back.

 

“Did it work?”

 

“What?”

 

“Distancing yourself, did it work? Are your feelings gone?”

 

There was a pregnant pause and Jungwoo leaned forward a bit in anticipation.

 

“No.”

 

A smile bloomed onto Jungwoo’s face, his eyes crinkling with delight. He practically jumped on top of Jaehyun, jumping to hug him tight. The action shocked the elder who remained stiff, arms still tucked into his pockets.

 

“Good, because I like you too,” Jungwoo whispered.

 

“What?” Jaehyun pulled him back, not too far, but far enough to stare into his eyes.

 

“I like you, Jaehyun hyung. I realized I did a month ago, before our fight. I didn’t know why you avoiding me and my touches bothered me as much as they did. But I know now.”

 

“Wait, you’re serious? You like me too?”

 

“Yes! I like you very much. More than I would like to admit.”

 

“Well, I like you a lot too. You have no idea how much I was freaking out when I found out I like-liked you.” Jaehyun smiled Jungwoo’s favorite smile, dimples prominent, and Jungwoo thought he could look at him smiling for the rest of his life.

 

“So. . .what does this mean for us?”

 

“Oh, right," Jaehyun fixed the collar of his coat before taking each of Jungwoo's hands into his own, "Kim Jungwoo, would you - um - would you do me the honor of being my - uh - my boyfriend?”

 

Jungwoo giggled at Jaehyun’s cute stuttering, but he played along nonetheless. “I do.”

 

The two stayed there, arms wrapped around each other, and Jungwoo could finally feel Jaehyun’s warmth again. They stared into each other’s eyes and Jungwoo debated whether or not to kiss the other boy. He was somewhat afraid, after all, this was all new territory for the both of them, so he wanted to take things slow so at to not scare Jaehyun off. He decided to compromise, choosing to play it safe, and aimed for Jaehyun’s cheek rather than his lips. The elder startled but didn’t dare move away. The kiss was quick, a simple brush of lip to cheek, but it was enough to make Jaehyun smile impossibly wider. Jungwoo huffed, finding Jaehyun’s loving stare too much to handle, and therefore hid his face away on Jaehyun’s shoulder. They remained there for a little longer before Jaehyun made them go back inside, worried that they would both catch a cold.

 

Jaehyun walked Jungwoo back to his room until they stood right outside his door. It was late and so all the members were locked away in their shared rooms, catching as much sleep as they could before another long day of practice tomorrow. It was silly how giddy Jungwoo was feeling right now, just like the female lead of a drama would feel when her strict boss would magically fall in love with her. Jaehyun held Jungwoo’s hands in his own and again he felt a surge of warmth. Jungwoo reminded himself to ask Jaehyun about that—why he was such a warm person, literally. All of the sudden, Jaehyun got closer, making Jungwoo’s breath hitch and a blush creep up his neck.

 

“Can I-“ Jaehyun’s question died in his throat as his eyes flickered down to gaze at Jungwoo’s lips.

 

Jungwoo didn’t need to hear the rest of the question, already having a pretty good idea of what it would be. He gave a slight nod and then Jaehyun closed the gap and kissed him. Jungwoo’s eyes drew shut as his entire being focused on Jaehyun’s lips on his. They were so soft and plump but before Jungwoo could further explore them, Jaehyun pulled away, making Jungwoo follow hazily.

 

Jaehyun smirked at the younger before whispering, “good night.”

 

Jaehyun walked away, leaving Jungwoo red in the face from embarrassment. He didn’t know Jaehyun could be so bold. Jungwoo touched his lips gently—they were still tingly from the short kiss. If this was how Jaehyun acted as a boyfriend, Jungwoo wasn’t sure how long he would survive.

 

 

+

 

 

"Have you been using a new chapstick?" Jaehyun whispered despite the fact that they were the only two in the room. 

 

"It's peach. Like it?" 

 

Jaehyun stayed mum in favor of pressing another feverish kiss to Jungwoo's lips. The two were currently hiding away in an empty recording booth, something they've increasingly done after they got together. No one knew of their relationship yet—Jungwoo and Jaehyun were taking baby steps on uncharted territory—and so they took advantage of times when no one was around (which was hard to do when you have eight other members hovering over your shoulder). The group had been granted a break from dance practice when the two boys slipped out of the room before anyone had a chance to notice them, which leads to right now.

 

Jungwoo let out a giggle as he ran his hand through Jaehyun's hair. "I guess that's a yes."

 

Jaehyun let out a hum that went straight to Jungwoo's knees. _God._ Jungwoo was sure he would never get used to this; sometimes he wondered whether any of this was even real or if maybe he had gone crazy and was making this all up in his head. But it _was_ real—the touches proved that. Jaehyun was real under the contact of Jungwoo's hands and of his lips. 

 

"I love touching you," Jungwoo confessed against Jaehyun's parted lips, finally understanding why Jaehyun had whispered earlier. Jungwoo's words were meant for Jaehyun and only Jaehyun.

 

Jaehyun pulled away, smirk forming on his face. "You like touching me?"

 

Jungwoo reddened at Jaehyun's interpretation of what was supposed to be a sweet statement. "You know what I mean."

 

"I don't, actually," Jaehyun snickered. 

 

"It lets me know you're real. That you're really mine."

 

Jaehyun's face softened as he moved to brush Jungwoo's hair out of his eyes. He tipped the younger's chin up to plant a kiss on his nose before enveloping Jungwoo in a tight hug. Jungwoo cherished these moments they got alone, when they could shower each other with the love they had been harboring for one another. He held on tight, burrowing his nose to Jaehyun's shoulder.  _Cinnamon._

 

"Oh wait, that reminds me. There's something really important I need to ask you."

 

Jaehyun's eyebrows immediately furrowed at Jungwoo's sudden declaration. The corner of his lips threatened to tug downward, a sign of bubbling worry. Jungwoo paused, letting the tension rise a bit before he spoke again. 

 

"Why are you so warm? Like, literally." 

 

Jungwoo beamed at Jaehyun, the latter's worry replaced with a mischievous grin. Jaehyun closed the little distance between them once again to pepper kisses all over Jungwoo's cheeks and face causing the younger to erupt in a fit of giggles. 

 

"Maybe you should touch me more and find out," Jaehyun teased.

 

"Hey!" Jungwoo huffed out, pinching Jaehyun's cheek as a punishment. They locked eyes in that moment and Jungwoo slowly moved his hands up to cup the elder's face, feeling the smooth skin under his palms. He noticed Jaehyun's ears burning red and his own cheeks felt warm at the sudden intimacy. 

 

This was real.

 

_Jaehyun was real under his touch._

 

And that was all that mattered. 


	2. | ii |

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An extra mini-chapter from Jaehyun's pov. This takes place after Jungwoo and Jaehyun resolve their problems and before Jaehyun confesses.

If Jaehyun had to come up with an appropriate answer to as to what was going on, he would say that the reason for his heart speeding up and his stomach churning at the sight of Jungwoo cuddling with someone else was because he was merely still awkward with the boy after their fight. His body itself had not taken into account their exchanged apologies, hence the unsettled stomach and unreasonable heart rate. 

 

"Hyung, you want to watch the soccer game with me?"

 

Jaehyun turned towards Jungwoo's voice, ignoring the bowl of cereal in front of him. However, Jungwoo wasn't at all addressing him but instead the other soccer fanatic of the group, Yuta. And there it was, another unsettling twist in his stomach and a pang in his chest, sure enough to scare him into believing that these were the signs of a heart attack. But Jaehyun remained alive and breathing, solemnly returning his gaze to his pitiful, soggy cereal. 

 

"Dude, you okay? You look like someone just spat into your cereal," Johnny joked as he entered the kitchen, somewhat smiling at his friend's growing pout. When the younger of the two didn't respond, Johnny straightened himself, clearing his throat and smile off his face. "Jaehyun?"

 

Jaehyun stayed silent, abandoning his spoon in his bowl of Frosted Flakes, sighing dramatically. 

 

"Yeah, no, I'm fine," Jaehyun looked up at Johnny, who's face had since become serious, and wondered whether he should tell him of his strange heart attack-like symptoms. "I just feel a little sick."

 

Johnny's forehead wrinkled at the mention of his member feeling ill. "What do you feel? Do you want manager hyung to take you to the doctor?"

 

"No, no, um...it's just like a headache. It's nothing serious, probably just sleep deprived."

 

"Are you sure? The last thing we need is for one of us to fall sick a week before our tour starts up again."

 

Jaehyun got up to dispose of his bowl in the sink, milk washing down the drain. "I'm fine. I'll just take a nap."

 

Before Johnny could get another word out, Jaehyun exited the kitchen and headed towards his room. When he opened the door, he found Mark on Taeyong's bed, watching something on his tablet.

 

"Hey, Taeyong hyung told me to stay here while he cleans my room." Mark explained, vision still focused on the screen in front of him. "I swear, it wasn't even that dirty."

 

"Well if he kicked you out to clean it himself, it must've been dirty by his standards."

 

Mark cackled at that as Jaehyun fell backwards into his bed, shutting his eyes in an attempt to shut off the turmoil in his head. Buried deep in the back of his mind, there was an actual answer as to why Jaehyun was feeling "sick." He knew why his heart bounced against the walls of his chest and why his stomach constricted in on itself at the sight of Jungwoo with someone else, but he didn't want to admit it aloud. He had come up with the answer before but he didn't want to do it twice; doing so would only make it more real. 

 

Mark squealed from across the room, immersed in whatever was displayed on the tablet. Jaehyun craned his neck to catch a glimpse and realized he was watching his favorite drama—one that Jaehyun found to be pretty stupid and unbelievably exaggerated. 

 

"Sorry," Mark pulled out his earphones, putting the drama on pause, "It's just that this is the last episode before the season finale and it's wild."

 

"What's wild about it?" Jaehyun figured that entertaining Mark was better than laying down and thinking about a certain someone. This was a perfect distraction for him.

 

Mark took the bait and started geeking out about the show. "Okay so the main character, Mina, is heartbroken after she fights with her main love interest and best friend, Jinyoung, and so she's all alone and sulking when all of the sudden Donghoon, the bad boy and gang leader, starts to comfort her. Mina was always wary of Donghoon 'cause you know, he's a gang leader, but he started showing a new side of him. Meanwhile, Jinyoung finds out about the new pair and he gets angry because why the hell is she hanging out with such a bad influence, and so he goes to confront her. But when he does, she completely blows him off! And he confesses and she rejects him! Instead, she agrees to go on a date with Donghoon and—"

 

"Wait, wait. She rejects him?"

 

"Yeah!"

 

"But doesn't she like him?"

 

"She does!"

 

"So why would she reject him when she now knows he likes her back?"

 

"Because he was an asshole." Mark stared at Jaehyun as if he was stupid. 

 

For some reason, much to his dismay, talking about the drama brought Jungwoo to mind. He and Jungwoo had fought and although Jungwoo didn't like him and Jaehyun _certainly_ did _not_ have any sort of feeling for the younger whatsoever, they had been very close before their argument, like Mina and Jinyoung. 

 

"Yeah, but even if he was an asshole, don't you think they could've worked things out?"

 

"I mean, I guess since they were childhood friends and grew up together. But then again, the things Jinyoung told her during the fight were _very_ harsh. Their relationship will probably never be the same."

 

"Yeah, but what if Jinyoung apologized _sincerely_?"

 

"I don't know, apologizing wouldn't do much. He really hurt her so I don't really blame her for moving on from him and looking for another guy."

 

"Yeah, but this other guy is a _gang leader_! How much better could he be? Anyways, I think Mina would forgive him if she heard what Jinyougn had to say."

 

"Ehh, I don't think so. Jinyoung had called her some pretty mean things."

 

"Yeah but I didn't mean it!" Jaehyun protested. "I mean- Jinyoug- _Jinyoung_ didn't mean it, the things he said," Jaehyun's voice got quieter the more he went on.

 

Mark stilled at Jaehyun's outburst. "How would you even know whether he meant it or not?"

 

Jaehyun's mouth gaped like that of a fish, racking his brain for an answer.

 

"Wait a minute," Mark's eyes slowly widened as his finger pointed accusingly in Jaehyun's direction, "I know what this is about."

 

Did Mark know about his internal dilemma about Jungwoo? Had Jaehyun outed himself out somehow?

 

"You're just trying to get me to tell you these things because you think it's stupid! You want to make fun of me!" 

 

Jaehyun let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. "Oh. . .you got me."

 

"Look, I know you don't like the drama, but if you actually gave it a chance you would see that it's really good," Mark got up from his spot on Taeyong's bed and shuffled towards the door, "now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go watch my drama in the living room in peace."

 

As soon as the door shut closed, Jaehyun flopped back into his bed, finally daring to come to terms with his feelings. Jaehyun wished he didn't feel this way, then things would be easier. He knew, however, that if he kept them buried away, it would only make it worse for him. There's no way he can possibly ignore them now; he needs to let it out. Open the Pandora Box. Jaehyun's symptoms were all caused by one person, his own member, Kim Jungwoo. Because he liked Jungwoo, he liked him a lot, and he's liked him for quite sometime. 

 

He didn't want to ruin his friendship with Jungwoo or the dynamic with the group, for that matter, and he knew that by confessing he would be doing just that. On the other hand, Jaehyun also didn't want Jungwoo finding a Donghoon of his own. 

 

He understood that Jungwoo had forgiven him and assured him that he wanted to keep talking with him. But what if he was just saying that so as to avoid any awkwardness? Jaehyun felt like an idiot for his behavior. Why did he ever think that distancing himself would ever be a good idea?

 

Would Jungwoo really leave Jaehyun for another member, one that hadn't treated him like shit? Jungwoo was really close with everyone else in the group, even Yuta—the one who had been suspicious of Jungwoo's soft behavior—had grown rather fond of the boy. Jaehyun reasoned that Jungwoo favoring the rest over him wasn't that impossible after the way Jaehyun had acted these past few months. 

 

 _No._ Jaehyun wouldn't let that happen. If Jaehyun couldn't pursue his romantic feelings for Jungwoo, he would at least redeem himself as Jungwoo's friend and group member. _He couldn't lose Jungwoo_. Jaehyun was determined to clean his act up; he would shower Jungwoo with skinship like the latter had done so for him. 

 

Jaehyun was going to win Jungwoo back.

 

_And no Donghoon was going to get in his way._

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first ever ff so bear with me lol. This took me a while to write because I kept reediting it over and over again; this is about as satisfied as I'm gonna be with this story. I hope you guys enjoy it and please don't be afraid to leave any comments!


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